I was listening to Sarah Jakes Roberts' podcast, "Women Evolve" and one of the topics she discussed was about Keri Hilson being attacked on social media for having "too high expectations" of men. The photo Keri originally posted on Instagram had this caption:
"Sure I'd like to be married someday—but not enough to do it with the wrong person. So if you EVA see 'Keri' walk down that aisle, even if I'm old & grey...you can rest assured—I didn't settle."
Someone commented on Instagram stating: "So you think your expectations are too high?"
And Keri responded ever so gracefully:
"...to have a man compliment my life, who is equally yoked in the things that MATTER like loyalty, virtue, depth, compassion, and love & respect for God, someone who understands healthy relational boundaries & pushes me to be my best self while supporting each other's dreams? Someone who truly loves himself & has dissolved his ego? Someone who has evolved from his lower self & constantly evolving? Someone who has learned his lessons & strives to be a great human being? Someone who holds my heart carefully & treats me well? Who values & honors love? Someone who is wise enough to lead me? Nah. And I don't think God puts anything in our hearts that we are not capable of having."
This is what Sarah Jakes Roberts, who is on Keri's side, had to say about it:
"Single women are often challenged with this notion of 'are your standards too high?' and 'maybe you should lower your standards so you can get somebody.' She [Keri Hilson] didn't say he needs to be 6'10, he need to do this, and he needs to have this many zeros in his bank account. She's not asking for something unreasonable. And to think that women are single because they need to lower their standards and maybe accept something that is less than what they're seeking for, I feel like that's just a cop out thing to say to single women [...] the notion of 'I'm still single so there's something wrong with me and something that I need to do in order for me to have someone in my life,' I think is just so fraudulent on so many levels. Sometimes we're still single because 'I haven't met anyone who is worthy of me giving my heart to,' and there's nothing wrong with that."
Let's give these two ladies a round of an applause because YES, YES, YES!
Single women who know what they need in and from a man are constantly targeted as being too needy and for whatever reason this happens to be why they are still single. *rolls eyes*
I refuse to lower my standards and settle for any ole' man just to say I have a man.
Nope. Not happening. Not now and not ever.
I believe it is so important for single women (and single men, too) to know not only what they have to offer their potential partner, but what they need their potential partner to bring to the table as well. Keri is not at all asking for too much nor does she have too high of expectations. Since when are we not allowed to want what we want and need what we need? Like... someone please explain.
With cuffing season around the corner, many people end up in relationships with people they do not even intend to commit to long term. And then wonder why they are never content. You cannot chase after temporary satisfaction and expect perpetual contentment. It doesn't work that way.
What you need and what you want in a potential partner should be your non-negotiables. You have to ignore all the counterfeits (and there are many) or else you will be promised things that they can never deliver.
It's time to stop settling just for affection, just to say you have somebody. I much rather remain single for another 25 years than to attach myself to the wrong person who has nothing to offer me. I want to be equally yoked with a man who not only meets my criteria in what I need in a husband, but I want to be the woman who meets his criteria in what he needs in a wife.
And I just love how Keri says: "And I don't think God puts anything in our hearts that we are not capable of having." Your heart's desires are not high expectations or some lofty wishes, but they are there for God to fulfill. Psalm 37:4 says: "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
So go after what you want and nothing less.
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