I wrote "Soloist" because so many people ask me: "Why are you still single?" And I honestly never knew how to answer that question. I've spent every day of my 24 years of life single. I mean, I'm picky. And I have high standards, etcetera etcetera.
But when I really evaluated myself, I realized the real reason as to why I am single: I feared intimacy. I feared someone getting close enough to me, seeing me for me and choosing to not love me for me.
"Soloist" was birthed out of the pain I conflicted on myself by withholding myself from experiencing intimacy. And writing this book was the beginning of my healing because it required me to be vulnerable which I always try to avoid. Yet, vulnerability is always needed for true intimacy to transpire.
My hope is that this book will encourage other women who, like me, have denied intimacy simply because they are afraid of exposing themselves. I hope they will learn to balance contentment and longing. That they will not be terrified of intimacy as it is so vital.
I learned so much while writing "Soloist," and I learned so much about myself that I did not know prior to writing this book. But the biggest takeaway for me is that I must learn how to wisely guard my heart. I cannot always keep my heart guarded. It is okay to let your guard down from time to time(with the right people). My desire, as it is for most women, is to one day get married. However, marriage requires intimacy and intimacy cannot be found when I am secured in my singleness. Yes, I must be content in my singleness but I should not be intimidated of being in a relationship.
I am still learning how to accept intimacy into my heart and I am constantly teaching myself to be content, while still permitting my heart to be vulnerable. I am teaching myself to be a little less cautious about my heart and to learn to not block love from transforming me from the inside out.
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